Looking for Good Models of Straight White Masculinity
It’s hard to create an identity out of a shadow. Trying to “not be” a bad person is much harder than emulating a good person. It’s one of the central challenges for white men in this age of toxic masculinity. I’m very excited about white men looking at their unearned privilege and entitlement. It’s been a long time coming. I don’t think there’s any arrival, I think there’s only a journey. That being said, I am also always on the lookout for some kind of positive models. Who seems to be doing a good job of being a man? Specifically, a cis gender, straight white man?
This question dips into the idea of white fragility. How can a cis gender, straight white man look at identity without defensiveness? How can I, as cis gender, straight white man, look for a role model and have a discussion with myself, my friends, family and colleagues about identity and have some sense of being a positive person in the face of so many individuals, who share these markers, who are doing so many bad things? I think it has to come from a place of recognition that I do have an unearned privilege based on my skin color, my gender and my sexual preference. And a willingness to understand my spot in our current culture. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t work hard, or that I’m not smart or industrious. It means that I was supported by our society every step of the way from the time I was born. The white members of my family have been supported by our culture from the time that my first white male ancestor came to America. This country’s racist and patriarchal history has told me that anything is possible for me. That is a very powerful starting place. Many have taken this starting place as an entitlement. Many do not understand the impact of this starting place. I don’t claim to fully understand it, but I’m trying to be dedicated to a path where I explore this history and this privilege and push myself to see new perspectives.
As I try to walk this path and gain understanding of my blind spots, I’m looking for some other straight white cis gender men who are doing the same. Maybe, specifically, I’m looking for fathers who are trying to do the same thing.
I’m gathering resources and I want to share them as I find them. There seem to be many possible spots to look. I’m a fan of podcasts. Right now, I’m subscribing to two male-oriented podcasts that have some value for what I’m looking for. They’re not perfect, but they seem to be doing their best to explore male identity, and often cis gender, straight, white male identity.
The Good Dads Project: https://gooddadproject.com/
and The Art of Manliness: https://www.artofmanliness.com/podcast/
I’ve been a fan of the Art of Manliness for a while. Brett McKay is the host and he’s looked at a wide variety of issues from a male perspective in over 500 podcasts. He has interviewed authors, philosophers, coaches, doctors, psychologists and researchers on diverse sides of the political spectrum. His interviews have a very intellectual feel and he focuses on take-aways.
The Good Dad Project is something that I’ve been listening to for only a few weeks now. I have heard about 10 podcasts and feel like I can suggest this. The host, Larry Hagner, bills himself as a regular guy who is working hard at being a good dad. He only met his own dad when he was 30 and he’s written about his experiences with this and with being intentional about fatherhood.
I’m interested in many identities and experiences and there are resources out there that support a whole lot of experiences that are different from mine. I really enjoy those as well, but this post is about sharing some resources that support aspects of my own identity and looking for positives as a straight white man.
Having a clear idea of my own identity and feeling a level of support for that identity allows me to cultivate appreciation, curiosity, empathy, caring, and understanding of other identities. I share these resources as a way to build a foundation for caring about ourselves and others. Please share your resources with me in return! I’m always looking for a new story!
