Therapist Spotlight: Grace Norberg, LMFT

NCRC is proud to periodically spotlight one of our staff therapists so as to give you a chance to get to know their unique qualities and interests.  Today's spotlight is on Grace Norberg, LMFT.

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1. Why did you decide to become a therapist?

When I was a teenager I was quite existential, and questioned, “Why am I here? What is my purpose?” The only good answer to those questions that I found is that life is only meaningful for me if I am helping others. At the time I was attending therapy due to my parents’ divorce, and saw that becoming a therapist was the perfect way for me to help others lead happier, more fulfilling lives and by proxy, myself.

2. What is your educational and professional background? 

I attended Florida State University for undergrad and double majored in Psychology and Creative Writing. I have always loved stories- reading them, writing them, hearing them and making them up in my head. My love of stories is also a part of myself as a therapist.

After undergraduate I took a year off to figure out what type of therapist I wanted to be, and found Marriage and Family Therapy. It felt completely in line with my belief that connection is the most basic need of all humans. I went to Northwestern for the most intense two years of immersive therapy called the Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy Program, and came out first and foremost a better and more self-aware person, as well as a skilled relationship therapist.

3. Where do you see yourself professionally over time? Do you have any particular goals as a therapist?

I see myself expanding my practice to not only helping people within the therapy room, but also reaching greater numbers of people through social media, speaking engagements, and activism. When I first set out on this journey as a helping professional I thought I would be satisfied with just being a good therapist, but after recent experiences observing authors, politicians, podcast creators, yoga instructors and even Instagrammers, I am inspired to do more.

4. How do you think change happens?

To quote myself, “Change happens when one can no longer emotionally afford to stay the same.” I have seen time and again that the number one requirement for lasting change is a true desire to do so. Please read my latest blog on change at www.gracenorberg.com!

5. If you were not a therapist, what would be your occupation? 

I would be a chef! I love watching cooking shows and even was interviewed to potentially be on Cooks vs. Cons. I’m vegan and have several cookbooks that I use to make delicious plant-based meals.

6. Do you have a favorite or relevant quote to your work?

“My life is better when I assume people are doing their best.” – Brene Brown in Rising Strong. I highly recommend this book! This quote helped me realize that when I start to feel victimized or that someone is a bad person, in reality that person is just doing the best they can with the resources they have currently. They are at a place in their journey where they are unable to see how they are hurting others, possibly because of their own past trauma. This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but lets me know that it is on me to set boundaries with them.

7. Do you have a favorite charity cause and why?

I support anything animal related! PAWS Chicago is my favorite charity because that is where I adopted my cat, Kitty. I volunteered there for a short time after my cat of 17 years passed away and was drawn to Kitty because she looked so much like my old cat. I also foster kittens for All 4 the Love of Cats, a nonprofit that houses abandoned and stray cats awaiting adoption in Petco and Petsmarts in the north suburbs.

8. Anything else you would like to add about yourself as a therapist or as an individual?

I want everyone to know that I am a human first, and a therapist second. These identities are strongly intertwined, but I want it to be known that I don’t always do or say the right thing, I’m not always kind and understanding, I get angry, sad and frustrated, I don’t have the perfect relationships with my friends, family and partner, etc. I’m still on my journey, and I will be for the rest of my life, and that’s what it’s all about!

Grace currently sees clients at our Ravenswood location. 

She can be reached by phone at (786) 239-5280.

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Guest Post: How to Know Whether You Need Couples Counseling

Do You Need Couples Counseling?

This guest post was submitted by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, a counselor and speaker in Baltimore, MD, and the director of the Baltimore Therapy Center.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Fights and arguments are a normal part a living as a pair. But how does one know if things have gone too far? When is it time to seek professional help for relationship problems? Here are a few red flags that might indicate to you it's time to consider speaking with a counselor to hash out the rough spots in your relationship.

You keep having fights about the same subject.

If there is an issue that keeps coming up in your  interactions and souring your relationship, that is something to look at. Big differences in opinions, perspectives, or values can cause a serious rift in a relationship - but they don't have to. As it turns out, research shows that many if not most couples live with “irreconcilable differences” -  so the problem is not that you have them, but how you handle them. If the question of how you spend your money, or the role of your parents in your lives, or your child-rearing practices keeps coming up and turning nasty, getting professional help to sort through the issue is critical. These important conversations can be difficult to have, but with a compassionate and competent counselor you can learn how to live and love together even in the face of such differences.

You keep having fights about any subject at all.

For some couples, it's not one specific issue, but every issue. Anything they try to discuss turns into an argument. Any topic is fertile ground for mean comments, criticism, and contempt.  The subject matter may be significant or trivial, but the real problem is generally not the subject that is being discussed but rather a much more global issue that is plaguing the relationship that is not being dealt with. The frustrations and resentment over that issue end up coloring every other discussion that you have and turning your home into a battlefield. When everything is a fight, a therapist can be a great resource for helping uncover what is going on underneath that and resolving the tension that is leading to these constant arguments.

You never fight at all.

To be clear, It is probably a good thing if you and your partner  never come to blows. But as we said above, arguments are a normal part of a relationship. If the two of you never disagree and there's never any conflict of opinions at all, it's a good bet that one or both of you are quashing your frustrations and allowing resentment to build up. It's okay to be angry with your partner. It's okay to not like something they are doing. It is far worse to drive those emotions inside and not deal with them - eventually they will explode outwards, or simply kill the emotional attachment in a relationship so that it quietly but surely falls apart.

This is not a comprehensive list of problems that might be helped by couples counseling.  If you are seeing any of these red flags in your relationship or other problems you have been unable to solve on your own, please contact us to see how we can help you.

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Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, is a counselor and speaker in Baltimore, MD, where he provides individual and couples therapy as the director of the Baltimore Therapy Center. He can be reached at Raffi@baltimoretherapycenter.com.

Becoming a We: 4 Ways To Shift Your Thinking To Thrive In Your Relationship

By: Jennifer Litner, AMFT

One of the challenges adults experience early on in an intimate partnership is establishing the ‘we’ in their relationship. When two single individuals have spent a great deal of time living and working independently, otherwise operating as a ‘me’, the path to discovering the ‘we’ can feel complicated. Even mundane decisions like household cleaning or figuring out whose family to visit for holidays require compromise. Especially if you’re someone who identifies as self-reliant or self-sufficient, it can sometimes feel like a major shift to depend on someone in an intimate way. Whether it be grieving a loss or sharing your fears, we know that the degree to which partners are able to be vulnerable with one another and hold a space for one another significantly influences the depth of intimacy they feel in their relationship. Keep these tips in mind as you reflect on developing the ‘we’ in your own relationship.

Opening up is hard to do…

What opportunities do you have to let your partner in? Take the chance to let your partner care for you when you aren’t feeling your best either physically or emotionally. Yes, you could probably take care of yourself (that’s the ‘me’ talking) and self care is important. However, letting your partner in by allowing them to care for you will help you deepen the intimacy you already have.

Discuss your visions for your future.

How do you envision your life moving forward with your significant other? What goals do you have as a couple? Developing shared dreams together can be a really intimate experience and is also a way for you each to stay connected to your passions.

Strive for balance.

When it comes to a daily-routine and your social life, which activities will you stay involved independently and in which ones will you include your partner? Maintaining friendships and hobbies that are important to you outside of your relationship is healthy, as is making time to spend together and grow as a couple. Exploring your expectations for how each of you want to spend your free time is one of the best ways to stay on target.

Create positive vibes at home.

Merging homes within a relationship can be a big step for many couples. Each of you likely have preferences about the way in which you keep your home, so creating space for each of your needs and hearing new ideas is an important process. When thinking about your home, consider, what do each of you need to feel relaxed and at peace?

Becoming a ‘we’ is an adjustment, especially if you’ve been a ‘me’ for quite some time. It’s also something that more than likely no one has ever taught you how to do before. Be patient with yourself and remember, therapy is always an option if you find yourself feeling stuck.

Jennifer currently sees clients at our Ravenswood location. 

She can be reached by phone at (847) 868-2018.

Choosing Change: 5 steps to enacting lasting change in your life

By: Grace Norberg, LMFT

A therapist is usually thought of as a professional whom someone goes to when they need to talk or vent about issues or life stressors. However, the way I was trained at the Family Institute at Northwestern University was that the purpose of therapy is to help people change. There can absolutely be some use in talking and venting, but therapy with a concrete, actionable goal can accomplish so much more. Being in a position to ask others to be brave and change, I am also deeply committed to changing myself. I know intimately the pain and struggle that comes along with realizing you are unhappy with your life, and the challenges associated with attempting to transform it.

Since change is so uncomfortable, a saying of mine is that “change becomes a necessary step once we can no longer emotionally afford to stay the same.” Homeostasis feels familiar at least, even if it isn’t the happiest state. How many times have you said “I want to eat better,” or “I want to stop yelling at my kids,” but a few days later, there you are with the potato chips or screaming at the top of your lungs. Lasting change requires a number of things, including a heartfelt realization that it is necessary.

Here, I outline research-backed factors that can help you break out of that homeostasis and achieve your goals:

1. Simply taking the first step toward change by attending an initial therapy session can make a huge difference. In a 2006 study in the Journal of Counseling Psychology, 88% of people’s presenting symptoms improved after just one therapy session. This doesn’t mean their goals were met completely, but something about the act of seeking and showing up to therapy helps. In my work, I notice the strength it requires to decide to seek help and fight feelings of fear and vulnerability to show up and talk to a stranger about your problems. I am a firm believer that all people inherently possess the inner strength necessary for change – but many of us just need the expertise and training of a therapist to help bring that out.
2. The therapeutic relationship, or alliance, is touted among therapists as the most important ingredient in change. According to the book Common Factors in Couple and Family Therapy (2009), this alliance is comprised of tasks, goals, and bonds. Tasks are what the therapist tells you to do in the room or at home, such as practicing a new way of telling your partner about your needs or writing a gratitude journal. Goals for treatment should be set in the first few sessions but should also be reviewed periodically to see whether they are being met or have changed. Lastly, “bonds” are your feeling of connection with the therapist which can be derived from how much empathy you feel from them, their ability to remain nonjudgmental, or in plain terms, whether you like them as a person.
3. Motivational Interviewing is a well-researched and effective therapeutic style. The essence of MI is helping people articulate their goals and ways they would like to change, in their own words. In my experience, it means more than if I were to just tell someone what to do. I am not you, so how can I assume to know what will work for you? In my own therapy, I have noticed that if my therapist starts lecturing me, my eyes start to glaze over. It’s easier to be invested in and remember the words that come out of your own mouth.
4. We all have heard the saying that “10,000 hours of continuous practice are needed to become an expert” (Gladwell, 2008). Change takes practice. Couples that would like to improve their communication need to learn new patterns of relating. People with difficulty setting boundaries in their life might need to say no more often. We have all learned patterns and schemas, often in childhood, that direct how we view and take on the world. It is incredibly hard to change thoughts and behaviors we have held for such a long time. You must practice over and over, make mistakes, and still persist.
5. Lastly, Dialectical Behavior Therapy has been found to be the most effective treatment for people with Borderline Personality Disorder and intractable self-harming and suicidal behaviors. The definition of dialectical is integrating opposites, which I believe is relevant to everyone. I encourage you to accept and love yourself the way you are now, but to also seek change. When I ask my clients what they are most afraid of in relationships or in life, it usually boils down to fear of not being good enough. Not a good enough mother, partner, friend, employee, boss, body, etc. I want you to reframe that and say, “I AM enough, AND I deserve to keep getting better”. Nathaniel Branden, a renowned therapist and writer about self-esteem, said, “the first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”

Taking the first steps to change may be what tips the scale of a revolution of self. After that, choosing the right therapist, articulating your goals, practicing new patterns, and loving yourself as-is can take you far.

These are just a few points important to me as a therapist, but I’d love to hear the ways in which you have helped yourself enact lasting change, or strategies you’ve provided to others in their journey to change.  Let me know in the comments!

~ Grace

Grace currently sees clients at our Ravenswood location.  She can be reached by phone at (786)239-5280.

Check out Grace's Psychology Today profile

Therapist Spotlight: Monique Brown, AMFT

NCRC is proud to periodically spotlight one of our staff therapists so as to give you a chance to get to know their unique qualities and interests.  Today's spotlight is on Monique Brown, AMFT.

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1. Do you have a specific focus or interest in your clinical work? 

I deeply value working with survivors of trauma. The work is difficult yet extremely rewarding. I have been trained in Structured Psychotherapy for Adolescents Responding to Chronic Stress (SPARCS) and have used various narrative and trauma focused therapy with my adult clients. I have led multiple 16 week trauma focused groups that give clients tools for managing psychosomatic and somatic symptoms of post traumatic stress. 

2. Do you have a certain therapeutic style, method, or model of therapy that you generally use?

My goal is always to remain curious. The beauty of our work is for me to share in the truth telling of each individual narrative and explore the connections my clients have made about the chapters in their lives. Our work is always collaborative. As far as models of therapy are concerned, I have a very eclectic approach to therapy. I try to really remain culturally sensitive in session. Sometimes, sticking to a particular model doesn't address certain needs a client may face and I will use tools from another intervention that better suits the work we are doing. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I do often find myself using Family Systems theory as the foundation for our work because I find it important to understand a client's cultural and family narrative before I can understand the person that is sitting across from me.

3. What makes you unique as a therapist?

I am a Black, Queer, Woman raised on the south side of Chicago, the youngest of 6 children, educated at Northwestern twice. There is a story there and I bring all of who I am to the therapy room. I use my narrative to inform my culturally sensitive and affirming work with my clients. I love the work I do and I genuinely feel that I was meant to be a therapist.

4. How do you think change happens?

My favorite quote by Carl Jung sums up my feelings quite nicely: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." I strongly believe that the work of therapy happens through the relationship between therapist and client. Who I am interacts with who they are and change is a benevolent byproduct of that interaction for both parties. 

5. What are you most thankful for?

I am thankful for Love. I am thankful for the way it frees up space in cramped minds and crowded hearts and opens doors to new possibilities. I am thankful for how limitless and abounding Love is. It never seems to be in short supply. I am thankful for the ways it heals and never harms, comforts and never leaves anyone lonely. I am thankful for those who choose to dance to the rhythm of Love's melody and share it with every soul they encounter. I am thankful for the way Love liberates. I am certain that our test as humans is to show love without letting our humanity taint our expression. Be free! 

Monique currently sees clients at our Ravenswood and Loop locations.  She can be reached by phone at (773)819-5407.

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Introducing NCRC's newest service! Amity Chicago: Business Relationship Counseling

Relationships are hard. All relationships. Whether between spouses, partners, friends, siblings, parents and children, and even between business partners. In fact, did you know that co founder conflict is the #1 reason businesses fail? 

Couples go to couple therapy. Families go to family therapy. And now, coworkers finally have a destination for their own relational therapy needs. NCRC is proud to introduce our newest partner and service: Amity Chicago!

Co-founded by NCRC associates Shira Galston and Myra Castaneda, Amity Chicago is a new and innovative relational counseling service geared specifically towards business partners, co founders, co workers, and company teams. 

Shira and Myra are very excited to bring this service to the Chicago business and startup scene. They plan on bringing their therapeutic expertise and skills into a world that is mostly unfamiliar with this type of service, even though it is sorely needed. Many co founders and coworkers face similar issues to any other couple, such as communication difficulties, conflict, lack of trust and transparency, and burnout. Generally, they either ignore the issue until it destroys the company, or they seek help from others trained in business management consulting, rather than someone with specific training in relational therapy. Amity Chicago hopes to fill this gap, and provide sorely needed counseling and workshops for these teams. 

Check out their new website, www.AmityChicago.com, for more information, and feel free to let your friends and associates know about this great new service!

Therapist Spotlight: Jennifer Litner, AMFT

NCRC is proud to periodically spotlight one of our staff therapists so as to give you a chance to get to know their unique qualities and interests.  Today's spotlight is on Jennifer Litner, AMFT.

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Jennifer Litner, AMFT

1.     Do you have a specific focus or interest in your clinical work?

I have a growing specialization in sex therapy and sexuality-related concerns, so the majority of my clinical work is reflective of that focus. I enjoy working with couples and individual adults. I am also working towards my certification in sex therapy and pursuing a PhD in Human Sexuality.

2.     Do you have a certain therapeutic style, method, or model of therapy that you generally use?

A great deal of my clinical work is informed by CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy). I pretty much use a blend of these models depending on what a client needs in the moment.

3.     What makes you unique as a therapist?

I like to think that I am incredibly resourceful and genuine, which many of my clients appreciate. I enjoy helping people find creative ways to cope with challenges and I'm not afraid to use a sense of humor while sharing examples or metaphors. 

4.     Do you have any favorite books or movies or music?

I really enjoy listening to live music, especially Jazz and brass bands like Rebirth, The Revivalists and Trombone Shorty. I am also a big fan of country music.

As far as literature, I really enjoy when authors incorporate research into their writing. Some of my recommended go-to reads include Come As You Are, Loving Bravely, Mating in Captivity, Hold Me Tight, Loving With The Brain In Mind and Modern Romance.

5.     Do you have a favorite charity or non-profit organization or cause?

Bright Pink is one of my favorite local organizations! I really believe in their mission of encouraging women to be proactive and self aware about their breast and ovarian health. It's so important that women have a warm and supportive place to turn to while making informed medical decisions (to prevent cancer); we are so lucky that Bright Pink is headquartered here in Chicago.

Jennifer currently sees clients at our Ravenswood location.  She can be reached by phone at (847) 868-2018.